then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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