So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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