Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
