I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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