i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
