So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
