So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
