; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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