You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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