Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
