the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hippo gnu deer
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
