Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
