The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Who died my cat blue again?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
