Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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