I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
