Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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