I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
