His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
