two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
