No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
