Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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