I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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