Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
