Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
