I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
