Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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