Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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