hotel room ftw
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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