he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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