My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
