I cannot find my penis.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
