Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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