I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Define "chronic" masturbator.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
