Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
