Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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