People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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