You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
