My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
