I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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