piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
