lets start a swedish sibling band together
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
