im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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