Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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