Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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