Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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