If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
