guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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