I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
