fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
