Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
