Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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