Define "chronic" masturbator.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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