I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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