I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
