Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
