let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
