I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize