He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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