Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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