The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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