Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
honey bunches of taint.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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