I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
