in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
do herpes really smell.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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