literally had 100 drinks last night.
you would pick up someone in the library
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
