Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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