Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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