The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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