did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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