if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's never too late to be topless.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
