it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
