So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
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but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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