you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
