If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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