after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
