im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
