I haven't been this sober since birth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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