He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
