it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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