can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
