I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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