Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
