so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
