i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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