i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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