Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All the doctor said was why
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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