Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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